I cry cause I know he is never coming back.

I'm isolated from the world, I almost do not talk to anyone, after school I just lay in my moms bed whathing tv  and remembering how happy we were and crying, cause everything I see remind me of him  and I want to share all the things I see with him and I cry again , I cry cause I know he is never coming back. 

I do not feel alive.

Have a lot of insane thought in my mind.

Always thinking I would rather lose someone else than HIM, cause I know with him I could pass through it, with him next to me there's no darkness I can't overcome, he made the confusion go all away from this cold and mixed-up world, only in his arms is where I felt most alive.

Just now I really realise that besides being the perfect man, he was my only friend cause when I talked to him about something, I felt how much he cares, it felt like he lived that  situation with me, like my worries was his worries and my happiness was his happiness.

(train to Venice December 10, 2011)

Every day looking at all the photos, seeing his beautiful smile and beautiful eyes, 

his little perfect nose and his funny eyebrows.

 I keep asking  myself  REALLY?  I will never see him in front of me? I will never be able to do dayly lover things with him? Like give him kisses, laught with him, share and talk about stupid things and  that I will never ever be able to pinch and then kiss his pretty nose and most of all I will never be able to talk to him and live the life we wanted? 

Things just simple as these but at the same time so essential, these things that gave me daily joy 

 he was my joy.

I loved every little thing about him , he was my world  and now I just feel like I can't do this thing called life without him here with me

                                                           (train to Venice December 10, 2011)

For me he was more than someone could imagine,  you can see how much love was between two of us only from seeing our photos and videos now imagine this multiplied a thousand times.

Later on in my destiny I saw myself having his child, I saw myself being his wife and I saw my whole future in 

his eyes.

Words don't ever seem to come out right.

I'm so miserable without him, and everyday is a torture, I dont want someone else in my life, just wanna go to him ,now nothing scares me anymore.............................